as the universe,
so the soul…”
as the universe,
so the soul…”
I became a lover of my loneliness,
a great frenemy to its existence.
I was the one to build a home for it,
I feel as if now
I am a victim of my guest.
There is no point in wanting to be anywhere I’m not. If I haven’t arrived there yet, how could I ask my Soul to be there? If I haven’t been fully absorbed by my Soul, how can I ask to be complete? If I still debate, how can I feel worthy of knowing anything at all?
My task is to walk the Path I’m on and to warm as many hearts as I can along the way. But I don’t have to worry about how I will do it. See, we become so worried about every single thing! What is my purpose, when will I find it, does it count, can I make a living doing what I love, can I be who I really am? Questions that only lead to more questions. Worrying will never get me the right answer. I just have to continue to the Highest Path I’ve been given.
I just have to continue to the Highest Path I’ve been given.
Stop questioning and you will begin to see, hear and know all the answers you need. I tell you from experience – worrying will never get me the right answer. You will never settle within if you worry your mind. What do you have to do? What do I have to do?
I just have to continue to the Highest Path I’ve been given.
Those who aren’t on it yet, ought to step in and own it. Those who are further along the way ought to assist. Those who still don’t know it exists will know it by a divine coincidence, by a letter, a book, a person, a song or whichever hidden way talks to them.
That is all. That means choosing to suffer deliberately rather involuntarily and dismantle all that is not real. Everything that is not real is destroyed in our century. That is not real. So if you are living realness already, you have nothing to worry about. But let me share for the purpose of truthfulness and openness – very few of us are living it. I knew it as a child, I knew what to expect and yet that didn’t save me from disappointments.
At first sight, what is not real … it bubbles and bubbles, and bubbles. It’s noisy. It’s all out there. It’s all in our face. Like a really annoying bug that just won’t let you be on your own. At the second sight, it becomes grand and glorious, it becomes desired. At the third sight, it collapses and turns to ashes.
Anything that is unwilling to transform into a higher form of existence is lost. Anyone unwilling to learn and recognize how much he doesn’t know becomes blind in this reality. He suffers, but he suffers without any sense, without any liberation, without any meaning to it.
What happens next?
The majority of the population is terrified, of course at the seeming collapse of everything it identified with and claims it did not expect it. Tragedies are written and when it all subsides, we become blanks slates again.
However, with all those tragedies, there is a tiny handful of beings that feels finally relieved. They dreaded living in fakeness in the first place, so they prefer the desert rather than the crowded noisiness in the tower of fakeness.
Don’t make a mistake (a mistake is a missed-take) thinking you or me can get anywhere by stumbling here and there. No, it takes great devotion. Great devotion. You cannot get there by accident. What is done by accident is what repeats itself, imprints itself, it is what has been haunting you all this time in the back of every thought, every step, every action that you take.
There are plenty of stone hearts on the chest of success, have you noticed? Plenty of people going about their day as if their tasks are of great importance. They make the small task seem grand and important. That is said from my Self to myself, I hope you understand it well. However, I’m glad to share it, as it applies to all these days.
There are plenty of stone hearts out there, have you noticed? Plenty of people going about their day as if their tasks matter. They make the small task seem grand and important.
They aren’t. What do you think? Could anything sacred live inside a stone heart? Yes, it can.
Yes, it can. Even stone hearts keep an imprint of their creator a shallow memory of something they try to go back to through violence. Of course, they never come back to it, because violence never leads there. Even the ones who have completely abandoned themselves and let themselves become dark clouds have the potential.
These days, my Soul comes to me more often and more often, it embraces me and everything feels different. Even the most estranged person in this world that has lost complete memory of the fine world above matter, has felt, even for a split second incredible lightness.
Then his memory failed and he continued struggling with himself. There is no point in the struggle. There are plenty of people that struggle and struggle, and suffer, and suffer some more, convincing themselves this is the way. There is the point, however – the endless attempt to reconnect, to be One with Spirit, One with Everything.
Since there is so much darkness, so much residue of mistakes here, it comes with no surprise, we are taught, from the beginning of our life that suffering is acceptable, even desirable. Yes, growth requires suffering sometimes. But why nobody of these lovely teachers around you, teaches you the alchemy of turning suffering into gold?
Transform what is unbearable and harsh to you. The golden ticket there is very simple. Remember that suffering can never ever touch a part of you that is real! That is the most special knowledge you can ask yourself to know. What is not real is hurt, stripped open, cut to the deepest, in order for our Essence to grow. Could our Essence grow without it?
Think well about your greatest suffering. Befriend it, face it, know it, talk to it! Bless it, love it, be gracious with it. Your suffering will love your love about it. It will become bearable, smaller, it will become beautiful and it will start giving fruits.
Never let single words of doubt interfere if you already know this is the truthful path.
Don’t be fooled by conversations. Most conversations are dead anyway. Don’t be fooled by good graces. Don’t be trapped into complexity. Let those that decided to bow to their minds, intellect, and specialness, work with their mind and suffer until they transcend it.
Let it slip away.
Such a noisy fellow. Such a noisy little friend. It’s always there, it whispers, it haunts, it loves to argue day and night. It loves to write its own stories.
It also loves, loves, loves to jump up and down, to be inconsistent. It waits for a single moment when you don’t pay attention to what’s real and it creates a distorted reality.
A reality you ought to live in and feel trapped in. A reality we suffer in. A reality where we have to fight, struggle, bite and be less than what we really are. Do you have any idea how many kids in this world, how many grown-ups feel as if they are a mistake?
Do you know how many continue to sense throughout their life that is somehow not allowed to be?
Transforming what’s unbearable, and harsh to us into the most beautiful, the highest, sending it above all Darkness & all Light, above Living, Dying or Idly standing still. Send it there.
Listen, Reality is a lot more. It’s more than a shadow of existence. Wouldn’t it be great if we, as imperfect, as we feel we are, allow ourselves to grow from the shadow into the forest? The forest of the great Unknown.
There is a point in the endless attempt to reconnect, to be One with Spirit, One with Everything. Why did we separate ourselves in the first place?
The illusion of being Alone
Don’t we know already you cannot abandon your Creator without feeling your existence unreal and shallow? You can’t turn your shoulder on the one that blessed you, that pushed you into being here and wish to receive his gifts.
What could you expect from this? Suffering, and suffering, and suffering. Why? Because you aren’t as loving as the Love you came from. Although, we are beyond Love, actually. Till you finally get rid of it, for the greater good, not for the selfish good. Not because you dislike it. Till you learn not to pity yourself, not to feel sorry about anything that ever happened, not to look down, seeing all your impurities and thinking they are the ones that own you. Although, we are beyond Love, actually.
How long, how long…
As long as it takes. Suffering will be till you finally get rid of it, for the greater good, not for the selfish good. Not because you dislike it. Till you learn not to pity yourself, not to feel sorry about anything that ever happened, not to look down, seeing all your impurities and thinking they are the ones that own you.
You own them.
They found an owner and he is the one who is in charge. So, why aren’t you taking that charge? Why do you think you even need Incredible Will to do it? You don’t. You need all-absorbing, all-great, all-flawless Love. No other being can bring you that, I hope you realize it. You can’t do it by yourself either. You have to be immersed in something which is utterly different, it’s hidden. Love so deep and so wide that it cannot help but put anything aside. It will love it all. All of you, all of them, all of the duality, all of this endless game.
Rest in Love
A Love so deep, so wide and so pure that it cannot help but put anything aside. It will love it all. All of you, all of them, all of the duality, all of this endless game. It’s always the same. It has always been the same since the dawn of time. But I have a deep feeling, a deep memory about a different time. A time when it was all pure, all honest, all divine! The greatest secret is that time still exist. It exists because it’s not time. It cannot be found in the time.
The greatest secret is that time still exist. It exists because it’s not time. It cannot be found in the time.
It is much greater.
Whatever happens, trust in the one that you came from. Don’t wait around for the next life, the next possible choice, the next.. something. No. It will be the same or worse if you let your way be led by inertia and fear of being alone. It’s up to you now. That deep trust will save you. That deep breath will teach you. That sacred love will turn everything upside down and you will love it, trust me.
You will see your life collapse, your old skin will be ripped apart and… You will love it. You will even love how hard it is! You will not miss a single small-minded attempt to fit in. Or be good. Or be bad. Or be something. You will not need to be anything. You are already everything.
The entire system of this world is flawed and yet, it’s perfect as you begin to open up your eyes and really see. Don’t you see now why people act this way, why they become puppets of their fears, why they are so afraid?
Why they are so afraid, so hungry, so thirsty? Why they are never satisfied, never thankful, never blissful. Where do you think people live? Do see them live in that sacred space? If they found that sacred space within, would they ever want to return to this insane reality of theirs? Where it’s okay to fight, okay to be violent, okay to hurt, okay to … fill in the blanks, for I’m done.
If they found that sacred space within, would they ever want to return to this insane reality of theirs?
It would feel like a horror.
Would they still love violence or feel appalled by it?
What kind of space is where it’s okay to fight, okay to be violent, okay to hurt, okay to … fill in the blanks, for I’m done.
I’ve seen enough and I’ve heard enough people saying “it’s human nature’. It’s not. What do we even think we know about the nature of humanity?
We lost it! That’s the reality.
The human lost its real nature and he is so discouraged in getting it back. No pub would ever solve his emptiness. No drug will ever fill the voids where love was meant to be. And every new lover will only increase his loneliness and fears.
Nothing will make up for the greatest loss of a man. Nothing. There is only the wilderness, the love for freedom, the deep desire to liberate oneself from the terrors of living in black and white, in wrongs and rights that can truly, honestly pull him out of this shell of terror.
There is only the wilderness, the love for freedom, the deep desire to liberate oneself from the terrors of living in black and white, in wrongs and rights that can truly, honestly pull him out of this shell of terror.
How many real laughs have you heard? Have you thought about it? Try to tune in and really hear the laughs of people. They are violent, they are desperate and sad.
Have you thought about this?
Try to tune in and really hear from within the laughs of people. Can you sense how much is being hidden by these laughs?
I am what I am. You are what you are.
But, please don’t ever tell me it’s in the human nature. There is a great plan. Know it in your heart and you will know there is a blessing that we sacrifice by living this way.
There is a great, master plan. It’s more than all the amusements in this world.
Know it in your heart… and you will know there is a blessing that we sacrificed along the way.
Do you want us to return it?
As I was walking home that Sunday evening, I felt as if the Earth beneath my feet is nothing but a tiny round particle and I am a giant overlooking at the moon, where other tiny giants like me were walking, directing their heads down the Earth.
They were also upside down, like me. I felt the Gravity disappear, my body became as light as a feather. I felt my feet lifting off the ground. I remembered about levitation, I remember having done it before. Before what, you may ask. Before this lifetime, before this intersection. Most probably before anything else I can recall about my existence here.
I remembered the words of Vejinov, (Pavel Vejinov was the first to write Sci-fi stories in Bulgaria that I know of). My memory flashed back to my early years, I was a young girl reading his books. In one of the stories, he wrote about a young girl that flew from the balcony into the starry sky.
Is there a particular reason I’m remembering this now? Just a few days before I take off on the metal wings of a plane to Geneva, trying to open up a new space in my life. I would live in Switzerland for six months, write as much as I can, finally start publishing on svetlina.org and enjoy the silence of the peaceful lake in Neuchâtel. Visit France, since it is so incredibly close, it’s almost a crime if I didn’t.
My, oh my. Why is it that I feel suddenly so comfortable now that I am leaving and I feel so pressured to stay when I’m here? What is it with this consciousness of mine, am I seeking an escape or is it just so normal for me to travel anywhere and feel like I’ve always been there within days. Does that make me easily adaptable or am I just a young vagabond woman, running away from her lifelines. My obedient and my rebels side were playing a match of control.
My obedient and my rebels side were playing a match of control. Busted! You’re out. I can’t overthink my actions anymore. I’d rather fall down and get back up a thousand times than feel trapped by my cranium and locked in my mind. Is that even a thing? Let’s go back to that writer… That story was never really a whimsical piece of science fiction. I knew it when I read it – it was a very simple truth. A very simple gift. A very normal thing for me to read. The so-called “alien” in his car, the flying girl – all his words were true. It is both scary and liberating when you realize that all of those books, movies, and songs were transmitting something that is a truth somewhere.
His stories were never really a whimsical piece of science fiction or a wild production of his imagination. You cannot think of anything else if it doesn’t exist in some shape, form, realm, somewhere. I knew it when I read it – it was a very simple truth. A very simple gift. A very normal thing for me to read. The so-called “alien” in his car, the flying girl – all his words were true. It is both scary and liberating when you realize that all of those books, movies, and songs were transmitting something that is a truth somewhere.
I knew it when I read it, it was a very simple truth. A very simple ability of ours. A very normal thing for me to read. We can fly. The so-called “alien” in his car, the girl flying over the balcony – it’s all true. Bend your mind, now. It is both scary and liberating when you realize that all of those books, movies, and songs were transmitting something that is a truth somewhere.
He just had the eyes to see it, therefore it was a very real truth to him.
I was and always have been Home.
But I got it wrong. The home I lived in hadn’t felt like home for a long, long time. I knew no other home would ever be a real home. It would always be a comfortable shell, a temporary piece of matter around me for practical purposes. You need a roof over your head, right? Can you really bear living in the vastness of creation without some false sense of protection?
The Self had left, way back in time, and I was the one trying to catch up, to mend it, to unite myself with myself. I was dreaming of mazes and my consciousness was trying to collect itself – jumping between memories, dreams, meetings, traumas and true gaps of Love in between. My greatest friend and my greatest enemy had to gladly shake hands and hug it out among all the controversy. Let’s end the debate.
I felt safe.
I looked around and with all the violence happening somewhere in the world, I felt incredibly safe. I was protected. Someone was watching over me he was smiling at the little progress I had made. Someone had actually guessed my step and in spite of the fact that I would return in just three weeks to my country, my grandmother would pass away three days after and I would feel back as Point Zero again, someone really tapped me on the shoulder.
For I was not afraid of failure, of doing good or bad, of right or wrong, I was thirsty for the Great Mystery of Life.
I could no longer live within my limitations. I am a Spirit! I am a Soul! I’m not a silent dot somewhere on the map of the world. The key to every possibility is within me. The key to end suffering is to open up the borders of my mind.
I had made it out alive – out of the cubicle of the first part of my life, unforgettable years of challenges beyond imagination. I was out of feeling like a victim like there’s no choice like I had to be obedient and listen to all the voices around. It was far from easy, it was a prison, it was universal freedom, it was abandonment, forgiveness, letting go, it was unthinkable, beyond all belief – Love, it was a loss, a deep fog, it was rebellion and now finally – it was Peace.
The little guardian above me wrote my fortunes had done well.
For 27 years – you will fail, and fail, and fail.
What? What do you mean? I will FAIL? And I wished it myself? That makes no sense!
There I was. On the edge of the Earth, soaked in Cosmic glory, feeling like Gaia is so tiny, finally knowing the human Spirit infinite. I was heading somewhere I’ve always been.
Inside, we’re Endless.
*A note to the reader: Dear reader, failure is never ever about losing your job, a house or a friend. Or even about someone passing away. Failure is never missing a deadline or a promotion. Failure is falling away from the Truth, falling from Grace. Do you know who you are? Did you ever meet yourself along the way of to-do lists today? If you did, I hope you understand my story. All my titles, all my promotions, all my well-thought courses, all my clothes, and vacations failed. They were nothing of value for they were all just minor chords in the Song of my Life. They were out there. They passed through me and didn’t say anything about Who I AM. Your Truth never depends on where you live, where you dine, who you are with, where you are photographed and how much you earned. One day and that day is knocking on our door, nobody will even remember this temporary world of objects. In just century or two, everyone will live in Love beyond all matter. Some already do. I wish there’s more of us.
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