Source: Poetry of The Guest
My heart wants to come home.
Healing is Beautiful!
Lately, I’ve been thinking about how our social environment affects our identity. Our social environments shape us from birth, often unconsciously, instilling a sense of security, self-worth, and identity. Those growing up in dysfunctional families may lack a fundamental sense of self-worth, causing them to seek a sense of significance in ways that are unhealthy and unsustainable.
To gain a sense of significance, some take on the hero role, seeking praise for their achievements. Some become jokesters, making others laugh while suppressing their inner turmoil. Some become rebels, seeking approval from deviant peer-groups. Lastly, some may retreat into isolated fantasy worlds. The book, Another Chance by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse, elaborates on these roles among families dealing with addiction issues.
Coming from a dysfunctional family plagued by addiction, individuals take on one or more of the above roles, carrying the negative long-term effects into adulthood. These may include underdeveloped coping strategies, low self-esteem, acting…
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Poems I can go back to (over & over again)
Today I’m sharing some of the best blackout poems of Grigor Atanasov. Grigor & I were both featured on the same project (Manu Propria). It’s a gigantic online book for collaboration of modern day artists such as poets, photographers, painters, living in my homeland.
Somehow he found my FB page later on and we shared our mutual adoration for the liberating talks of Krishnamurti. I had no particular idea about blackout poetry at the time. I asked him whether he would let me “try it out as well.”
He was kind enough to stand my excitement and I enjoyed seeing this form of poetry through his eyes. In all my humbleness, I say that blackout poetry can be a very fine tool. You might be surprised what comes out.
You are often surprised what comes out.
He is a poet and a photographer, a keen traveler. Actually, traveling might come first on his list and then… all the rest could easily follow. Let me correct myself right now – he’s an explorer, a wanderer.
Grigor’s poetry breathes air into our urban life, so it’s quite likely to find it in a gallery in Sofia, or gracing an urban wall that simply adores its new function in society!
Here, here, Grigor! What you don’t know yet.. is that I will play with your poetry now by… continuing every single poem with an odd answer, a mindful sentence or … a blissful silence.
You are right.
this about you.
The rain said:
You are endless.
You were not.
You are not
More beautiful poems
– Colors will enter because
you recognized the beauty of the blank canvas.
– But I wish to remain a blank canvas.
I don’t really need much of anything else anymore.
I have you – we are together,
in different spaces and times,
we are always together, my beloved.
I don’t need colors, let me be pure,
I am a white space.
I am beyond the colors,
I’ve lived in the Light
and swam through the darkness.
beyond all poles of understanding.
Remember me this way.
Colored, on the outside.
Remember me this way
if you still haven’t seen
my colors on the inside.
But if you have,
then we can be friends.
Not friends for a couple of years.
Friends for Eternity,
friends even when I exit this place
and you remember my heart.
You have this.
The first time I conquered
the deepest, darkest fears
and put them in the colors.
beyond form and matter,
I am a feeling.
of distant times,
of ancient times
when life was flowing,
when life was not a mascarade.
Love was pure to the core.
We were fire from the core.
We were liquid,
beauty had no form.
I remember so well.
A thousand lives ago.
Until we became everything –
friends, lovers, warriors,
beautiful and broken…
after every single round.
We were mistreated, abandoned,
loved and forgotten.
In the darkest night,
nobody of our friends was around.
We flew through galaxies,
planets and stars,
our Love knew no limits.
Do you know how sad it is for me
to see you now?
The one who gave everything,
fell from all his grace, all his glory.
The one I loved became dark.
I hope, my friend
you start to repair yourself
and remember yourself.
I have never been your enemy
even when we were enemies.
I have always been and forever will be free.
when you decide to dismantle your prison,
you will know it too.
All colors will gather,
your Essence will begin to emerge.
Sleep tight, for now.
One day I will come back to ask again.
Are ready now, my eternal, beloved friend…
Photography by Kristina Likova
No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks. – Mary Wollstonecraft
A good part of my time here was spent by me, being an involuntary witness of people trying to decide between who owns what. If you sense just a little bit of resentment in this introduction, you won’t be far from the truth. Part of my special program was to be put in a situation where there is contradicting beliefs and a generous amount of paradoxes.
If you sense just a little bit of resentment in this introduction, you won’t be far from the truth. Part of my special program was to be put in a situation where there is contradicting beliefs and a generous amount of paradoxes.
Last night, I planned to rise up early out of bed, go to the gazebo in my yard, start on the 5 000 word translation, translate also a poem, while I snuggle with little Avalokita from time to time (a newborn kittie that holds the power of a real tiger).
Then relatives stopped by the house and as you can guess, my plans were quickly dismantled. The elders are battling for an old house that no one currently lives in. I embraced the sudden change of plans and poured some coffee. I was hoping to see a heart-to-heart between my old grandmother and her brother.
I was hoping to see a heart-to-heart between my old grandmother and her brother. Because no matter how long I live on planet Earth, I hold idealistic expectations and they have been restored somehow after every single time reality kicked in and kicked them out.
My wonderful intention to start on a high note quickly got lost in translation. They are battling about an old house that no one lives in. I embraced the sudden change, poured coffee and was hoping to see a heart-to-heart of my old grandmother and her brother.
They started arguing for the ownership of an old house that no one lives in. I had dreamed about it a couple of days ago. I embraced the sudden change, poured us some coffee and was hoping … to see a heart-to-heart of my old grandmother and her brother. Little did I know, within minutes, they would begin a heated discussion of private properties that they haven’t dealt with for the last twenty years.
My grandma’s opponent didn’t care that much.
These are my last days anyway, he said.
There is no such conflict in my mind.
When my friend got a dog the other day, she sent me a photo and the simple message saying: “She’s all Mine.” She seemed relieved somehow. But what do you need to be relieved of? What?
Your cat or dog is not your cat or dog, my friend. Our house is not your house, your shoes are not your shoes, even if you paid for them with the last cent you own. They are simply – a house, a pair of shoes.
The cat and the dog are your tiny little brothers and sisters, they carry life like any other living Soul here. You cannot possess a living being. You cannot possesses a material good either even if it says so on the paper.
People waste their precious energy all the time trying to solve material issues that don’t actually exist. I don’t have to imagine John Lennon’s verses to be true. I understand they are. Society forgot they are true. So, instead of dealing what our Souls need, we are dealing with things that don’t really exist.
Like ownership. Private properties are a complete joke if you ask me. So, instead of dealing with the Soul, Spirit & all that is Divine and inherently true, we are dealing with things that aren’t real, that doesn’t leave a single value in our consciousness.
So our consciousness becomes mostly occupied by material wants and needs. This is the shortest path that spirals down is losing yourself into the illusions which create the world of possessions, of inquiring and wanting more of everything.
Solitude? Absence? What lack is it that desperately needs Her? You are a caretaker and she’s your companion. But she’s not yours. There is no ownership here.
Our bodies are not our bodies! Why do we suffer when someone lets go of their body and wishes to go home? Is it ignorance, or selfishness, or illusions that keep is in this loop of misunderstanding.
I realize I’m not sharing a profound truth here. It’s all been written, it’s all been discovered, so at best – this is just a reminder to return to feeling lighter.
We have been heavily overloaded with so many possessions. Just take a look at the huge sales, the noisy world out there, the competition, the goal-setting where the money comes first and the man comes nowhere. Such a karmic race.
Why are we so desperate into acquiring anything? Why is it so scary to live without possessions? It’s not. It’s liberating, my friend! You suffer less, enjoy more and find bliss easily because bliss is not a long way there, it’s over here.
Once you stop paying attention to the wrong things…this happens.
I know we need a roof over our heads, clothes on our back, water, food. I’m not saying we should live without our basic needs. I’m not urging a hippie movement either. But do you realize how many are frantically over-satisfying their “needs”?
I’m not saying we should live without our basic needs. There is a slight difference between making use of all these things and clinging to them, be ready to fight with the fellow man, with those that need a kind word rather than being pushed aside for a property or a comfortable position.
I am positive you understand this. Any person with consciousness would understand. And yet, so many of us fall into the wrong pattern, we accept it as if it’s the outside world that governs us and we obey, we become slaves of what others believe.
But if their beliefs were so good, wouldn’t they be in a better place? Wouldn’t they be lighter, fulfilled and grateful?
When we leave this place, we will leave everything behind and we should not feel sorry for a single piece of possessions.
Take care of your words, feelings, your heart, your mind, and Soul. And if you accomplish all of this, everything else will fall into place, but you won’t have lost your dignity and value over a piece of anything.
It saddens me to see that the house ends up owning the owner. Can’t you see, we are just transiting? The vastness of this Universe awaits us and we need to be gentle if we want to end up in a loving place.
Leave all violence behind.
The violence of acquiring anything is too, a type of violence.
If you receive a gift, then receive it with dignity, grace and with the desire to give back, to share, to love.
We never gain anything, we never lose anything. Nothing was ours in the first place. How can we lose or gain then? It’s true even with break-ups. What are you suffering from? It didn’t happen the way you planned and projected it. And our plans will fail every single time.
There is just one force in this world, in all words.
It gives and it takes away.
Why not be thankful for it?
Why do we deliberately lose the freedom we’ve been given?
Who do we complain to about our suffering but ourselves?
Why do we forget our real home, our real origin?
Why do we teach kids how to be successful and we never mention there is a Soul,
a journey they are on?
Be happy when you lose, my friend.
I know I am celebrating every single time I lose.
I used to cry over failures until I finally understood,
I am given a much higher direction and what is perceived as a loss by someone, is a great, great gift to my Soul.
It’s a precious gift: to know how to “lose’ is to know how to find your way back Home.
- AVALOKITA means the one who sees clearly, with the eyes of Truth, with compassion
Did you like this publication? Why not share it with your loved ones? We all need a reminder from time to time.
Don’t turn away from possible futures before you’re certain you don’t have anything to learn from them.
― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah
All that is available here are constructed illusions: illusions of free choice and illusions of having no choice. Illusions start with being “ill”. Being ill means believing and participating in systems, that do not respect your own reflections or choices; that sell and produce patterns that are easy and pleasant to swallow. Undoubtedly, those will come upon later in life as “mistakes” or as I call them – missed takes.
- By constructing our views based on the top layer of perceived reality, we are always living in an illusion that seems real and unchangeable.
- Truth cannot penetrate unless you doubt completely and utterly the physical realm of reality because truth speaks in allegories, it is harsh and does not care about fabricated feelings. The organic truth is usually leveling deep or right in front of your face, so close that it is hard to realize.
- What seems absurd is often a truth, in fact, most truths are absurd at first, we reject them a number of times before giving them the benefit of the doubt. Why? I have no idea, but in Bulgaria, it is the stubbornness and hotheadedness, that seem to act.
- People “fall in love” desperately with anything/anyone that projects a part of themselves, that they have voluntarily or involuntarily dismissed from their own self – they felt they were unworthy of it somehow. Sometimes due to past traumas, self-punishment or criticism, irrational subconscious beliefs of what is possible and impossible. That falling in love, usually short lived, in itself is an attempt for the soul to reconcile the broken part. Hence, the numerous “failed” relationships of our age. Loving relationships are not always easy to build these days. It is like trying to plant flowers while there is an earthquake.
- My own doings are not solely “my own” and the design of things is, by all means, build on contentedness. From mirror neurons to absorbing the stimuli from the outside environment… just reconsider the feeling of being alone in your doings. Ever.
- The price of attention. We “pay attention”. You pay from your own soul bank through attention when you are feeding into things you do not want or need any more in your sphere.
- The wall of protection behind the visible is love. If I carry a gun and you carry a gun, if either one of us fires that gun we have already both lost the game. By loving the darkness (not taking pleasure in it! – loving – admitting its place in the world), you discharge the need of the gun. Fight it, struggle with it, resist it – it will always own you.
- Having information means nothing. Being clever or smart means nothing. You can be clever and smart and mortal on this level of being at the same time, despite your love for endlessness. The world is a hologram. Things appear to be but are they really here. Do they even exist?
My ten reminders to make you think, live and love. But think, live and love by abandoning all old ways you have thought, lived and loved. Anything is better than the false comfort of walking through life asleep – according to me.
There is nothing, nothing ever,
that repeats the existence of
the place I once saw up high.
This is where my soul lives
through my left and my right eye.
It is so clear, so beautiful,
we all belong there.